*Where am I?* *My eyes are open… but why can’t I see?* The being rolled over and felt pressure all around like they were deep under water. Resistance, supporting them, holding them down. Peaceful and comfortable. It was a sensation which defied description. They felt as if they were enveloped in a soft, doughy blanket; it was warm but not hot. Secure, yet suspended—they could move, and yet not. It was restraint without bondage. It was more like a heavy weight all around them but one which was not crushing them. _It is perfect._ Slowly, they began to perceive light. At first, it was so subtle they almost began to wonder if it had been there the whole time. Slowly, it got brighter and brighter until their eyes began to ache. They pushed their body against the warm, doughy blanket, and it gave easily. _It’s like sand_ they thought to themselves. _Except this sand is not itchy or dry._ _It is not wet either._ They stood, somewhat unsteadily at first, like a baby fawn taking its first steps. Everything was blurry. There was a blue color above and a brownish-tan color below and around them. Slowly, like the brightening light, the opaqueness of the landscape became clearer. At some point, they realized it was some sort of fog lifting, and before them spread an expanse of sand. There were dunes stretching in all directions as far as they could see. Some careened so high into the sky their tops disappeared into the clouds. *They must be thousands of feet tall!* *The sand is so soft, how do those mountains of sand not just slide away?* They took a step and another. They felt light, almost like they could fly if they wanted to. Every step caused them to bounce and the sandy surface effortlessly absorbed their weight as they returned to it. They tried jumping and promptly went so high they had a sudden feeling of regret overwhelm their body. When they landed, their legs crumpled, and they sank into the sand up to their waist. At first, they thought they were stuck, but when they tried to climb out, they discovered it was an easy affair. They laughed and turned around in a slow circle gazing upwards. There was no light source, yet it was light all around. It was then they realized not only was there no light source, but there was also not a single shadow. The light seemed to be everywhere and yet nowhere… Behind them and to their left and right were huge sand dunes. However, toward their front was an expanse of relatively flat sand. They were in the middle of a very deep box canyon. Going up did not seem advisable for some reason, so they began walking out into the flat-ish expanse of sand. After walking for quite some time, they realized they were not hungry, thirsty, or hot. There was no wind either. They were walking effortlessly, their feet skimming the surface. After what they perceived to be a few minutes, they turned to look behind them. The massive sand dunes were so far behind them they now appeared to be only a few inches high against the horizon. They kept on walking… and walking… and walking. Without a definite light source, they could not be sure of their direction or even how much time had passed. The landscape was so unremarkable and so starkly similar they could not gauge the distance they had traveled. _This is not how it used to be._ The thought stopped them in their tracks.  _Used to be. What had been?_ Try as hard as they could, they could not recall what had been. It was as if they had had a dream, remembered a sliver of it, and then when they tried to recall the whole dream, the memory of it was pulled from their mind like a child playing games with their consciousness. So, they kept walking… and walking… and walking… The thought of being tired, thirsty, or hungry never entered their mind. The purpose of walking consumed them. It was like instinct. They were going somewhere. To where they did not know - they only knew they had to get there. In the back of their mind, a number was slowly growing: 100103, 100104, 100105, 100106… They stopped, the numbers stopped only to start again as soon as they took another step. At once, they perceived their subconscious was counting each of their steps. Rather than trying to comprehend how this was happening, they just accepted it. *Too much about this place defies explanation...* They mused to themselves. Around 300506, they began to perceive a white cloud on the horizon. At 406789, they realized it was not a cloud but rather a huge snow-capped mountain. _I thought those sand dunes were tall. The mountain though must be a hundred thousand feet tall!_ ![[waterfall-iii26.jpg]] They stopped and gazed for a long time. The mountain was clothed in clefts, cliffs, green meadows, huge trees, and oh, the rivers and waterfalls. The beauty was breathtaking, overwhelming, and so stupendous they fell to their knees and wept. It felt like they were returning home to a place they had thought they would never see again. *How long has it been?* *It all seems so familiar but I don’t remember any of it…* Once again the instinctual drive to walk overcame them and they wiped the tears from their face and began walking again. At 505777, they sensed a smell so sweet, so fragrant, so wonderful they broke into a run, leaping with joy and the exuberance of a baby calf. As they leapt through the air, the numbers grew much more rapidly, even though they were only taking one giant leap at a time. Just like everything else they had perceived thus far, they began to notice green in the sand, yet it was so subtle by the time they noticed it and stopped to look, they were surrounded as far as they could see by the green sprouting from the soft sand. The sand had given way to thick, vibrant, stiff green stalks barely as tall as their fingers. They were soft but stiff. They got down on their knees and looked closer. They were bent towards the mountain. If you walked towards the mountains, they were soft, but if you walked away from the mountain, they were sharp and painful. It was then they realized they may never be able to return to the sand, which filled them with a sense of alarm. When they turned and gazed at the mountain though the sand suddenly seemed less inviting. On the other hand though the sand was familiar, this mountain was certainly not. They also sensed danger when facing the mountain. *The mountain is not safe.* *The sand is safe… right?* _I could take a few jumps and be back in the sand. It would be painful but I could make it…_ It was then they realized the ‘what had been’ was always returning. Always going back to comfort. No stretching. No growth. No uncertainty. If they went back to the sand it would be like it had been before in the ‘had been’. _Not this time, this time I won’t go back to the sand._ Without looking back, they took one huge leap after another towards the mountain. --- The grass grew thicker, taller, and softer. Soon they were up to their waist in the grass. 665999… They stopped. They were atop a knoll. Below them lay a small valley, with a babbling brook flowing through it. There was also a stand of the most exquisite and fragrant cedar trees. Next to the trees was a boulder big and gray. Atop the boulder sat a man. The man was sitting peacefully with his eyes closed in an exquisite thunderbolt pose. In the valley, they spotted flocks of small fuzzy birds in the trees and lambs frolicking in the grass. So far on their journey, they had not seen anything with breath. It had not crossed their mind until now there could be other living things here. They felt a wave of relief wash over them, at the realization they were not alone. Without warning the man’s eyes opened. He was looking right at them. Then he gave a most warm and inviting smile. “Welcome traveler to my mountain.” with a friendly wave, he scooted forward and slid down the immense boulder like a child on a slide. “It never gets old. Do you want to try it?” “Try what?” “Why sliding down the boulder, of course.” The thought seemed ridiculous at first, but as it stewed in their mind longer and longer, the urge to do so became unbearable. With a great laugh they ran towards the boulder and quickly scampered to the top. The man stood at the bottom, an even greater smile spreading across his face. The lambs had gathered around him, and they too were staring up at them. “I was not expecting a crowd.” they exclaimed as they sat down on the lip of the boulder and prepared for the slide down. The man smiled and said “They missed you and are happy to see you have returned.” The thought of being missed made them smile. “Did you miss me too?” “Of course. I’ve been waiting here in eager anticipation of your arrival for quite some time now.” They smiled again and scooted forward a little until gravity took over. The rock was slick, with nary a bump or protrusion. They picked up speed quickly; it was exhilarating. They let out a whoop of glee. As they careened towards the ground, the angle of the slide eased up and they slowed before being unceremoniously plopped into the soft grass. The lambs descended upon them, licking their face and bouncing into the air on all fours. Their little bleats of glee filling the air. “Welcome traveler to my mountain.” the man said as he extended a hand and lifted them to their feet. “What is your name?” They stopped - they did not know their name. How strange… “Don’t worry most do not know their name when they get here. For now, I will give you a temporary name until you remember your real name.” “Okay, but… “ they began. “It is okay, N-85; you will figure it out at some point. In the meantime, why don’t you clean up and then join me for a meal?” “Okay,” N-85 replied. “Where should I wash up?” “Over there in the brook. There’s a nice pool.” N-85 walked towards where the man had pointed. The pool was ringed by large rocks, the water was clear as crystal and it was filled by the most glorious looking waterfall. There were fish swimming in the depths. Instead of darting away when they approached though they swam towards them. _How curious. I wonder why they aren’t afraid of me? This is not how it used to be…_ Just as they were about to dip their hands into the brook, they caught their reflection in the water. Their face was dirty, but beneath the grime, they could see a scar running across their forehead and down their cheek. _I wonder where the scar came from?_  As they gazed at their reflection in the mirror they heard a small noise behind them and then a hard thump against their backside. They lost their balance and toppled into the pool head first. N-85 stood up in the middle of the brook soaking wet to see a lamb skipping along the shoreline - the culprit of their unceremonious dip. If lambs could smile, this one certainly was. N-85 splashed some water at the lamb which made it jump back playfully. It let out a bleat, then turned and disappeared into the thick grass. ### Next Chapter: [Stay Tuned](https://www.substack.mountaintopcoding.dev/) ### Previous Chapter: [[25 - Facing West 🦙]]