The woman stood in front of the gaping hole, alone and shivering. She had been drenched a long time ago by the relentless rain. Today should have been a happy day – a day to celebrate her 20th year of life. Instead, it was a day of mourning. Her red face and nose was a clear indicator that the water dripping down her face was not just rain, but tears. Her small petite body was covered with goose pimples and a form fitting black dress. Her short curly blond hair with wisps of pink, blue, and green clung to her forehead. *At least he’s gone.* She breathed a sigh of relief. Her dad’s brother hadn’t taken his eyes off her the entire service. In disgust she had hid from his horny gaze behind her black umbrella, until a gust of wind caught it and folded it in half. That made him laugh, seeing her drenched by the cold rain standing in front of the gaping hole that was swallowing her mother, while her dad spewed some shit about his god and his mercy. The whole thing made her want to puke. The false piety. The hypocrisy. The fucking ridiculous patriarchy on full display. When the service ended everyone left in a hurry, except her uncle. He stood there, probably hoping to offer her some respite from the rain under his umbrella and pressed against his tiny erection. She could tell he was working up the courage to come over and offer shelter under his umbrella but thankfully a gust of wind flattened it. The dejection at losing his chance, made standing in the cold rain almost worth it. The icing on the cake though was when he sprinted to the car, and slipped in the mud and fell face first into a huge puddle. Now it was her turn to laugh – and she would have but her heart was broken. Broken into a million tiny pieces. The horror of the past week simmered, penetrating deep into the marrow of her bones. A few days prior, in a desperate plea deal with god she had broken up with her girlfriend. Maybe her dad was right… Maybe if she broke things off with the most amazing person she had ever known god would let her mom live. Her girlfriend hadn’t taken the news well. She tried to soften the blow by saying she met someone else. Surely it would be easier to come to terms with that than the fact she was just a pawn, a bargaining chip with a distant and cold god to save her mother. The gaping hole which was swallowing her mother was proof that her last ditch effort hadn’t appeased god’s wrath. Inside the hole were a few dozen roses and trinkets laying on top of a simple pine box. *Mom is in that box!* A sob tore through her body as another wave of harsh reality swept over her - my mother and my lover are gone. I’ve never felt so alone. Her phone dinged and for a moment her sorrow was forgotten. Is it her? She pulled the phone out of her purse and looked at the screen. Fuck. It’s dad! “Hi ya pumpkin. We need to talk. Can you meet me at the diner for lunch?” The last thing in the world she wanted to do was meet him for lunch but something in her compelled her to respond “Yea sure, I’ll be there in five.” She texted back. A soft timid voice behind her made her jump, “Excuse me miss, but it is going to be dark soon and I really need to complete the burial.” The punk rock blonde turned and smiled at the grave worker. He had kept his distance this whole time and had watched her silently from the relative shelter of a nearby oak. “Okay. I’ll leave. Thanks for your patience.” She wiped the hair from her forehead and blew her mom a kiss. *Fuck you god.* Then she turned and walked through the rain towards the diner on the corner across the street from the cemetery. As she walked in she was greeted by a blast of warm air and the incredulous stares of the restaurant staff. There was only one person in the diner - it was her dad and he was sitting in the back corner. He stuck his hand in the air and motioned for her to come take a seat at the table with him. “Oh my gosh! Sweetheart! You’re soaking wet.” Her dad stood from the table, a deep look of concern etched across his face as he took off his jacket. “I’ll be fine.” she sneezed. “No you won’t. Here take my coat.” “Thanks, I’m going to go get cleaned up. I’ll be right back.” The punk rock blonde took the jacket from her dad. “Which way to the restroom?” She asked the waitress who had approached their table to take their drink order. “That way honey.” she pointed to the opposite side of the diner. As she walked to the bathroom she heard the waitress giggle as her dad cracked a joke. *Classy dad, mom’s been in the ground for barely an hour and you’re already scrounging for another wife.* The bathroom was tiny. There was a pedestal sink and a toilet – no stalls. Above the toilet was a small window that was cracked ever so slightly to let fresh air in. The girl stared at herself in the mirror. Her mascara was running down her face, her hair looked matted and mangy. *No wonder he was staring at me – my nipples are rock hard.* She crossed her legs and fought back the urge to vomit. Then in an instant she had an irresistible urge to take off her funeral attire and throw it away. *If I have to wear it another second or look at it ever again I’ll kill myself.* She stripped in the bathroom. Standing there stark naked in front of the mirror she gazed at her reflection. *She loved me, why was I so stupid?* She yanked a wad of paper towels out of the dispenser and began to dry herself. *Fuck me! I’m all alone - naked and cold in a restaurant about to have dinner with my dad.* She began to sob and sat down on the toilet holding her head in her hands and let the tears flow. After a few minutes of sobbing and blowing her nose into the restaurant's shitty cheap toilet paper there was a knock at the door. “Honey, are you okay in there?” It was her dad. “Yeah I am fine,” The punk rock blonde lied. “I’ll be right out.” Then she plopped a wad of snotty toilet paper into the toilet between her legs and flushed it. “Okay. I ordered you a hot tea and the salad you like. Is that okay?” “Sure. Great. I’ll be right there.” She breathed a sigh of relief as the pitter patter of his feet faded down the hall. She bent over and collected her sopping wet clothes from the floor, wadded them into a ball, and climbed up on the toilet. She pried the window open and stuffed her dress out the window. A moment later she heard them splash as they fell in a puddle. She closed the window, took her dad’s jacket off of the hook, and put it on. She pulled the panties back on. They had been her’s. She had kept them after their first overnight outing together. *I can’t get rid of these yet.* She spent another few moments straightening her hair in the mirror. Then pulling the jacket tight against her chest, to hide her cleavage, she walked out of the bathroom. --- “Shall we pray?” “Ummm fine, don’t know what good it’s going to do though…” the punk rock blonde rolled her eyes. Her dad gave her a stern look, clasped his hands, and closed his eyes. “Our father who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Thank you for this food and the hands that prepared it. Amen.” Without a word she began eating the salad. After an awkward silence her dad, who had only been pushing the food around his plate with his fork, began to speak. “You know sweetheart your mother was living in rebellion against god. So, he punished her with cancer.” “Dad, stop! Okay? I don’t want to hear your crazy conspiracy theories.” “No! I am not going to stop. You need to hear it. Your mom is in hell and you will be too if you don’t repent. I cannot bear losing you and your mother forever. Do you understand?” “No dad, I don’t understand. How can you believe in such a horrible god let alone worship him? It doesn’t make sense…” her voice trailed off as she tossed the fork on the plate. A moment ago she had been starving but now she didn’t feel hungry at all. “A better question is ‘How come you don’t believe?’… I think it’s because you want to continue sinning.” The punk rocks dad probed mercilessly. “Sinning?! What are you talking about?” “Listen I know about your girlfriend and I know your mother affirmed your relationship, which is why god allowed satan to kill her.” “Oh fuck off dad, you are a serious piece of work.” The punk rock blonde screeched in disgust and rage. “I heard you flirting with the waitress. Mom has been dead for all of three days and already you’re out looking for another wife.” “Hey, that's not fair. Kathleen happens to go to my brother’s church. She’s in charge of the children’s ministry you know? She has a son about your age. You should meet him. Who knows maybe you’ll fall in love and leave your life of debauchery, sin, and lawlessness behind… Before it’s too late.” “Oh my god, I can’t take it anymore.” The punk rock blonde stood up and grabbed her purse. “Where are you going Becky?” Her dad called after her. “I don’t know… Somewhere far far away. Far away from you and all your other “christian” friends.” Becky screamed as she slammed the diner door behind her. — The rain had stopped and as she stormed down the sidewalk she began to notice men stopping and staring at her. Oh right, I’m only wearing a trench coat and her panties. So, she ducked into a deli and ordered an Uber. A minute or two later, it pulled up and she stepped outside. Great! It’s raining again. Fifteen minutes later she got out of the Uber at the train station. She smiled at the driver as she got out. She was cute and reminded her of her ex. The driver, though, did not smile back. Sullenly the punk rock blonde trudged into the train station and approached the ticketing counter. “Where would you like to go?” An older lady, who was wearing an Amtrak uniform, asked her. “Anywhere but here” Becky winced. “Okay… well there is a train leaving in ten minutes for Provo.” The old lady replied dryly “Where’s that?” “Northern Utah.” The old lady replied with a huff of annoyance. “Perfect.” Five years later “Can you believe it’s been thirteen months since the meteorite?” Becky asked the bar tender. No one else was in the bar, because it wasn’t open yet. That was the perks of dating a bartender though - you could get “free” drink whenever you wanted. Well they weren’t exactly free, but she didn’t mind letting him make her his own from time to time in exchange for a few drinks. “Really!? It’s been over a year already? Man, how time flies.” The bartender dried a glass and set it on the shelf. “Are you going to clean that up?” she motioned towards the counter. “Clean what up?” “The butt cheek imprints on the counter and your semen…” she bit her lower lip reminiscing about how only a minute ago he had been between her legs. The thrusting of his hips and the tightness of his large member inside of her were usually enough to drown out the longing that gripped her soul. She felt bad using him like that but he didn’t seem to mind. So, she made sure to stop by regularly. “Oh, yea I guess I should. Didn’t realize we’d made such a mess.” he said as he leaned over the counter and gave her a kiss. “Watch the broken glass on the floor.” Her eyes twinkled . “There’s broken glass too?” “Umm yea, you were getting into it and well yeah let’s just say I’m not the only one who got wrecked.” The bartender laughed as he grabbed the broom. The clock on the wall chimed. “Oh hey would you mind unlocking the door and flipping the sign while I clean this up please?” “Of course.” She glanced over her shoulder and gave him a sultry look and sauntered over to the door – flipped the closed sign to open and unlocked the door. “I’m gonna use the ladies room and freshen up.” She said as the juke box came on and began playing a slow country tune. ![[asi-iv-theDiner.jpg]] The bathroom walls were adorned with pictures of sexy topless cowboys and cowgirls with short skirts. The paint in the bathroom was peeling but the floors were clean. She sat on the toilet and reached between her legs with a wad of toilet paper to clean up what the bartender hadn’t left on the counter. Then she heard the bell on the door jingle. *Customers already?* Business had certainly picked up after the meteorite and then when the alien monster was loose they couldn’t make drinks fast enough. The monster had disappeared though. It was rumored that it had finally been killed by a coalition fighter jet. Others said it had slunk into a cave and was asleep. Nevertheless even with the alien gone business was still booming. Still, a customer at 5:01 was out of the ordinary. Then a song came on which made her jaw drop. “Soft touch, warm skin. Nothing like my ex-man” *I haven’t heard that song in at least five years. It was our song!* She bent over and hurriedly stuffed the makeup back in her clutch and walked out of the bathroom. There at the bar was a lone woman, she walked over and touched her shoulder. “Did you pick the song?” “I did…” the patron turned as she wiped her eyes with the small square napkin which came with every drink. The blonde stumbled back in shock. “Lilli!?” “Becky!” The patron dropped her drink. “Why are you crying?” Becky asked. “Because…” Lilli sobbed “… he’s gone.” and she buried her face into Becky’s neck and clutched her tightly as she sobbed uncontrollably. ### Next Chapter: [[23 - Bodhisattva 🧼]] ### Previous Chapter: [[21 - My Child 🔮]]